Ketogenic Macros and More!

It seems like my weight is a never ending battle!  But I really don't think it has to be! 

My weight is so hard to come off-  Yes I am a stress eater, Yes I realize I run to food out of boredom, loneliness, excitement, sheer comfort for anything!  I did a Bible Study regarding how my view of food is- and the Holy Spirit convicted me that I was letting that fill a spot in my heart that really only He wants to fill-  Even if I didn't agree with EVERYTHING in the Bible Study- I did realize I was using food to fill the empty spot- so guess, what... I notice it, and have repented to God for letting something -  as stupid as food fill such intimate places that only God should fill-  Food was my go to- but Thank you Jesus for helping me with that- I will probably always have to ask myself why I am eating, what is the reasons for it?  but... at least it will be for the right reasons now!~

It is February 1, 2017 as I am writing this now.  In October of 2016 I did a round of HCG and lost 18 pounds-  Just for 8 of it to come right back on as soon as I entered into the 3rd phase of it... I didn't add sugar/starch/grains- Started at 260 lost down to 241.6: but the weight came back none the less....  So I relaxed through December (thankfully not gaining anything from it!)-  On December 29, 2017- I decided I would try the Ketogenic Way of Eating. I started with a weight of 250:  I joined a support group on Facebook that gave support and advice-  What I have come to find out is there are several different ways to do Keto-  You can do High Fat version or Higher Protein Version-  I did the Higher Protein version at first- but nothing was moving!  NOTHING!  So I thought I would try the higher fat version- and the scales started to move a little-- but not more than 7 or 8 pounds-  and I have been volleying back and forth between 242-247 since then!

I am trying to figure things out... of why I am not loosing... I am tracking my macros- I am not cheating AT ALL- No sugar, no grains, or starches have passed these lips!  However some have reported that dairy is a real hinderance for them... so I am going to test that theory-  It does seem if I have a ton of cheese- which is easy to do on a Keto lifestyle- then I gain some... SO... for the month of February, 2107- I will cut dairy out! I will increase my water intake- I will add exercise to my routine for this month-  My weight this morning was 242.6-  I will not weigh everyday ----  ooooo that's a hard one! Let me just say I will weigh less...  maybe try to cut it to once a week!  This one I am finding hard to commit to-  why? because the scale tells me if I am doing good or bad...  but just for the purpose of accountability- I will TRY not to weigh! I want to see if I can make it till the end of the month without weighing.... so here we go!!!!  I also want to stoop looking at Facebook- the food ideas and etcetera only make me want things I cannot have (Not the crazy stupid recipes on my normal FB feed- but the Ketofied Foods as well.... I will do Google searches for Dairy free options as needed- but I will try to just do what I know to do with food we normally eat! But if needed I will do a simple google search- 

There you have it!  Let's see where I am 28 days from now! Dream Goals: 

I hope my weight will be around 218-225

I hope I stick to what I say I will do!  

If my weight drops like this I will not add dairy back in until I reach my happy weight!  My ultimate goal is to reach 147!  However, I know I feel amazing at 185-190--- so even getting there will be a game changer for me!  But I really want to press through-  I am not trying to share my struggles and ideas and thoughts about this to anyone-- this is for me-  not for anyone-  and everyone has an opinion- I am seeking God for the direction I need to go and listening for His voice in all of this.....

Here we go... AGAIN! 

Lord, Here I am again..

Yep! Here I am again... on my own doing... A lot has transpired since I last wrote.. since my last posting (2  years ago!)
We have added 2 new family members to our clan! Kathryn Raelynn and Emily Joan Bayles have come home to us from China.  That is another post for another day... This blog is about my weight!  Since Feb of 2014 my weight has skyrocketed!  I have let life and the stress of that to cause me to be VERY bad!  I am at only 10 lbs away of weighing what I did when I first started HCG.  -  Since my last time of weighing in with you...
1: My son has gotten married... I have gained a daughter in law...
2: My dad encountered a horrible wreck taking his wife's life (Lindy) which was a huge ordeal for our family.
3: Spent the summer of that year helping my dad to recuperate.
4: Went through some family issues and adjustments as a result
5: Decided to follow the Lord's leading and adopt 2 girls from China
6: Spent a year doing adoption paperwork and grant writing to fund said adoptions.
7: went to China to get the girls-
8: Spent the last 8 months adjusting to life with new daughters and dealing with more special needs than we were prepared to do-

BUT.... Now life is leveling out... and regardless if it levels out or not... I have to get my weight back in to control.. I have been praying and asking God to help me find a way- I truly believe He put me on the path of HCG several years ago.. and while I don't think it is a lifestyle... it is a tool to help get the weight off... I don't want to share it with the world-- (then why am I putting it here on this blog?  because I know no one really reads this and it helps me to vent and put my thoughts... sort of like typing a diary).   I don't want peoples opinion of HCG-  or what they think I should do....

Since I last wrote, I have tried THM- Whole 30 and other things that are just not working for me... and I honestly don't know if doing a round of HCG will work either.. but at any rate I am going to go for it for this month... If I achieve a decent amount of loss this round, I will do 1 or 2 more rounds to get to where I need to be...

I can tell you for sure... the way people treat you when you are overweight is different!  I have lived on both sides of being a quasi normal weight and being "fat"- (noticeably overweight) and my friends have truly treated me differently..I am sure people think it is just my perception of that and how I feel about myself while being overweight... and a measure of that may be true--- because I do feel like I just want to put a big invisible blanket over me where no one notices me... I just want to hide and be left alone-  but people don't talk to me as much or feel I have anything of value to contribute.

All my life (during my childhood years)- I just wanted to be invisible so no one could see me.. to protect myself- but yet longing to be found, cherished and valued.... wanting to be seen and protected and loved.. I know I felt so good when my weight was in the 190 range ( which is a high number still, but a good number for me!)- I want to feel that way again... My daughter (sweet, sweet Yana)-  will call me her "fluffy" moma-  she means well... and Emily (one of the new ones) will pat my tummy like she thinks I am pregnant because my stomach is so big.... I don't like any of this... I feel like such a failure... but I can either stay in that state of hating myself or get off my lazy self and do something about it...

I have been searching for what God would want me to do... well multiple times in different ways HCG keeps crossing my path... I have a bottle of drops, so I am just going to do it... and stay focused for this month... I am not out anything... except for loosing some weight... i will have to learn how to keep it off once I get there...  but I just need to get there!

Food is a comfort for me... and I have to just refocus and find a new source of comfort... or a different type of food that is comfort!  Don't get me wrong, God is my comfort in the larger picture of things,, but if I need relief from stress, or if I am sad, or anything else, food seems to meet that empty spot- and soothe my feelings... so I treat it kind of like a drug.... it is my drug of choice... I have to get over it and detox... and get that out of my life... Our culture uses food for anything.. when we are sad, we eat, when we are happy or celebrating, we eat... I have to stop treating food as a comfort or reward... the battle of my weight I do think is my physiology but it is also mental... all in my head....   I feel like I am being punished by not being allowed to eat what I want...  so often times I just rebel against that... and eat what I want, when I want.. but my body wants to take all of that and hang on to it and keep it all as fat..  I can't continue thinking and treating food in this way..

I don't eat cakes, cookies, pies, candy etc.. but i do LOVE sweet tea, fries, hamburgers, and fried chicken! those are comfort foods for me... I have to find other comfort foods... but first I need to detox and get the junk out of me... 

So, back to the title of this entry... some of my good friends growing up would sing this song... "Lord, Don't Move that Mountain"-- I do not blame God for my failures of what I have done to this body He has given me... I do ask for His help and leading on how to conquer it and master it...

Part of the song goes:

Lord here I am again, down on my knees in prayer...
Lord You promised me, that You would always meet me there.
Now there's a mountain up ahead (loosing my weight!)
That I can't seem to climb...
But I am praying for the strength
to try it one more time...

So... I am asking God to help me get over this mountain... regardless of the "why" it is there.. it is still a mountain that I have got to conquer... and I can only do that with God's help....

So... I am hesitant to publish what my weight it today.. it is TOTALLY humiliating...  however, SELAH - a Christian Signing group that I love to listen to  published their weight all over Facebook... they are starting this week a weight loss journey and doing it publicly for everyone to see...  which is BRAVE-- Amy, the female singer in the group (who has weighed around what I weigh) lost weight on HCG about the same time that I lost weight on HCG- we lost about the same amount... she gained hers back, and so did I- I will admit, I let my eating go.. and no matter how you loose the weight, unless you keep that up or better healthy eating habits,  or you will gain it back.. you can never return to old eating habits... I have to "renew my mind" when it comes to my view of myself, my food, and how I use food to comfort myself.  She is trying to loose weight now using Nutrisystem- I am really not interested in spending that $ for that to buy food, - and don't want to go that route... so I am going back to what worked for me before... not at a lifestyle, but as a way to detox my body... she weighs just 15 more pounds than I do currently...  I hope we both get our weight off and conquer this beast that haunts us both....

My weight today 253.6-- there you go, I said it... I published it... crucify me... trust me -- I do enough self hating, I don't need any extra of that from other people... If you are in control of your weight, health and body--- I applaud you-- Good job... pray for me that I will get there... pray for me in my weakness that I may be strengthened...

I am devoting myself to doing good with what God has entrusted to me... not just my weight, but my husband, my kids, my home, my resources, etc...

Life can be hard-- in so many respects... but God is so good ALL THE TIME!  He is Faithful.. .and I really feel He is with me-  so I know I can make this...  when I feel weak... I will go to my war room and talk to the commander and chief!  He will help me!

Here is a face shot of me today...

Ok... weight is published... I will update as I go... this is my hiding spot that I think no one is reading... so if you are reading it... shhh... don't tell anyone!  lol!!!

Feb 23 -- Get over that hump!!!

I am at 213.6 today ... I can't seem to get over this hump... but I am trying!  I will do ttapp today- and I have eaten a p2 type meal for lunch (fp meal for THM'rs) -- (100 gram of lean beef-and some celery) not bad.. I will drink my water and have an early supper of Salmon and salad and some greek yogurt for dessert... to see what that does... If it goes down tomorrow-- I will continue to eat p2 all day except for supper and have a reasonable S type meal... (with good fats!) -- I would love for that to work- because I can do that relatively easy-- We shall see.. I really just want to get to 190 really badly-- I felt good at that weight and could wear such nice clothes-- and I am tired of obsessing about my weight- I think once I get "there" (190'ish) - I will do THM and not look back-- if it takes a year to get the rest off, so be it!  I will at least be at a "feel good" weight!  SO... I want to do what is necessary to get these 25lbs off... yes, quickly.... PRAY saints!  Pray... If my weight doesn't go down in the next few days..  I'll keep plugging away until it does! I'll be back in a few days to report!

Same ol' Same ol' Same Ol'

It has been a while since I posted -- I have tried, failed, restarted -- repeat --   I have been working out for the past month -- and exercising --(prayfit dvd toning program with cardio)- I am at 213-- I have dipped down to 209 but it didn't stick -- I am going to start doing accountability HERE -- I will post what I am eating-- I am trying to follow THM for life-- not just to loose weight, but to have a lifestyle going here -- I want to keep working out -- weather I do Prayfit or TTapp or something else in a given day, the point is to "do something" --

Today I have had 2 eggs cooked in olive oil spray (just a tiny bit) with coffee (cream and xylitol - 1 tsp) -- Water, Water, Water and lunch was left over boneless,skinless thighs with a sugarfree/carb free bbq sauce concoction that I make (1 tbs low carb ketchup, lil' xylitol, garlic powder, onion powder and 1 tsp Worcestershire and hot sauce) something to give it flavor-- and I had 1 piece of "Skinny Chocolate" or "Chocolate Delight???" --

That is EVCO, Cocoa, ground up Xylitol and a tiny bit of nuts in each piece --- LOVE THAT STUFF! :)

 Supper will be a protein and a green (not sure yet!)-- and I am sure to have more "Skinny Chocolate" today -- Then thing is, I have been eating really good (in my opinion)  but with me not loosing, obviously I am not eating what works for my body to loose -- either not enough protein, not enough fat, too much of either one of these -- I don't know... I am going to try to do follow as much of THM as I can- and do a FP Cycle as soon as our fall break is over with (next week, Oct. 24--) and see how that goes- I typically drink 1 cup of coffee each day and water the rest of the time -- I really don't know how to eat any better -- but I do not incorporate all that THM says to, like "E" meals -- because they have carbs and I am afraid of that -- but obviously what I am doing is NOT working -- and I really want it to....   So there you have it...you know what I eat and do.... Maybe I will wait to start posting when I start my FP Cycle because I will be back from fall break --

Pictures as promised!

This is my accountability group!  I promised before photos -- so here you go.. I hope these are greatly improved by the end of the month!

So far today  I Have  had a Fat Stripping Frappe, (110 calories/20 gm Protein) Turkey breast (maybe 100 calories/VERY LOW FAT - 10gm protein) and good girl moonshine (0)-- I need more protein- and more fat!  Supper plans are a salad (Tomato, lettuce, cuke, red onion - small amount cheese with oil/vin dressing) fish cooked in coconut oil or similar - -

Any how here are the pics (Arghh!!!) this is painful for me... but hopefully I will be rejoicing later this month! (btw: My weight this morning was 215.8 -- I am 5.6 and 44 years old -- shooting for 190 for my first goal!!! -- ideally 185! but will be happy with 190!

New Beginning! Seriously!!!

I know I keep saying that!  Let me tell you TALK IS CHEAP!  I can talk the talk, but I cannot seem to walk the walk! I have stayed between 213 - 219 this entire spring and summer! Nothing will change until I do!~  I have to just formulate a plan and STICK WITH IT!  I have a plan.. and here it is!~

I started reading a book called "Trim Healthy Mama!" recommended to me by a close friend!  It is every diet that I have had success on and combined them all.. A lil' "Insulin Resistant Diet" Principles... A little HCG P2 and P3 Principles -- a lil "JUDD" principles and you kinda navigate through this and are to loose weight... however it is SLOW going -- Let me let  you in on a clue.. I am not a patient person! I had quick results on HCG -- I really do not want to do another round of full blown - with hormone - HCG! So.. with that being said... I have enjoyed eating the past 2 days without GORGING -- but I am counting them as load days like you have on HCG -- Tomorrow I will start VLCD Days and go straight! I do not want to tell anyone what I am doing --

• I am going to do P2 as much as possible - -taking B12 Oral Vitamins -- and drinking water like crazy and lemon water -- if I am in a bind and have to eat out, I will eat a p3 type meal (Steak, Salad, Green Beans, Asparagus, etc...) and get back to VLCD -- and weigh 1 time  per week! 

•  I have been doing TTapp for exercises (Along with my daughters - which are 7 and 10!) -- 

•  I will weigh on this Monday (taking tomorrow as a detox day) and count from there!  weighing in on each Sunday Morning. And try not to look back till I am 190 at which point I will stabilize and go from there -- 

I know I will always have to cut my sugars etc.. in order to maintain or loose weight!  I feel terrible at my current weight and only I can change that (well.. God is the only one really... I just have to do my part!) -- I will check in periodically and let you know my successes and sorrows!   I want to be faithful and consistent!  My 20 year old daughter has been loosing by cutting back. .she doesn't seem to have a sugar issue -- and she looks great!  I want to look and feel great too!~  I know with God's help, I can do ANYTHING! 
So, let's get this show on the road -- I will not follow strict Simeon's protocol --  but I will keep  my calories VERY low -- no sugar - lean beef etc.. the Trim Healthy Mama book has plenty of what they call "Fuel Pull" recipes that are like P2 recipes but they allow for more choices -- If I can't think of what to eat, I will pull out  my old P2 notes and go for old' favorites -- If all goes well in 30 - 40 days I can be where I want to be!~

P2 doesn't allow for exercise -- However TTapp  is low intensity -- I have been doing a 14 day boot camp with that (I am currently on day 12)-- then I will go to doing it 3 days per week (MWF) I will post a before Pic on Monday -- and then another pic to compare on July 31st as a picture check- in!  I need your help and prayers and cheering on -- (remember, I am not telling anyone in my "real" life -- so only you know!  So don't broadcast it! :) -- we will  just silently go through this together -- I don't even want my husband to realize I am doing something different -- I want to "blend into the background!" and then WAH LAH!!!!  He will be amazed that I am back to 190!  where I can wear a size 14 -- If I am going good -- I really , REALLY want to make it to the 160's (165???) which is lower than  my wedding weight -- but -- 1 short goal at a time... this one is it! 

Pic coming in the next day or 2!  Here we go...

Up and Down is all I can say!

Up and down is all I can say!  I am trying... I am currently 213.8 -- doing VLCD every other day -- which I do not like.. I would like to not be so restricted.. but if it yields result, how can I argue with that?  I don't even want to write about it.... off to do school with my girls!